Get to know me

I hold the lights that blind you and bind you. Emptied for the promise of celebrated compromise in giving up a little of what you are. Maybe you might get what you deserve, given that what you deserve is what you want. Unfortunately, what you deserve is exactly what is left of your soot-black vacuum lump of your blood-pumping muscles. What used to be hearts. What used to be vessels for wisdom and emotional strength. Now callous and corrupted by lies you've built around you own eyes. Beautiful lies, expensive and shimmering, throbbing with the pulse of some blindsiding void.

I expect to be given what I believe and what I deserve. I am intelligent enough to make my mouth shut, yet limited enough to open it when something needs to be said. I am very friendly for those who sincerely want to be friends with me. So if you hate me, and so be it. I don't snuggle my desire to those who don't need it nor want it. I am forced to live by my own, on my own. In accordance with the push and pull of the uncertain. Iron curls, roll furl; the deliverance of the deserving.

I had a lot of growing and a lot of denying of self to do. I am not easily won over, but when I am, I am completely won over. Personally, I don't choose any particular symbol or group of words or teachings to define me. That's between me and the most high. You know, my higher self. The Creator. I cannot consistently, with self-respect, do other than I have, namely to deliberate violate an act which seems to me to be a denial of everything which ideally and in practice I hold sacred.

I'm reasonably intelligent. At least that's what other people say. I like brithish accent. The voice inside my head uses one :) Some people don't like me, I'm sure something's wrong with them. "Hating is an emotional disease". It is proven and tested. I'm a very religious person and I do have good morals. I Lie frequently. I guess the right term for that is white lies, you know? lies that are made to protect certain people in any different situations. And also to protect others for them to still hold on to what they know and not knowing the truth makes them feel that they're still perfect human beings with no flaws. I can dance reasonably. Well, I can also sing. The Operative word is CAN :) and oh! I enjoy controversies! Keep it coming! Haha! :))

I want a tattoo! I annoy people from time to time. I have a temper. I Love YouTube! I'm less lonely when I have money. I have no preconceived notions of people, so I take them for what they project themselves to be and try to digress. But I don't judge. People usually have their reasons for acting the way they do and I guess that I should respect that.

I am an open-minded person, generous, honest, funny, cool to be with ( I guess so) a good listener but not a very good adviser. A very down to earth person? and a very understanding person. I have a killer instinct when it comes to survival in life. I am a self made guy who values the simple joys of life and I love the people who love me for who I am and what I am. I value my life seriously, because for me life is short and we've got to make the most out of it and besides it is the only thing that we can enjoy.

I'm a loving and caring person, I like to be with my friends and I treasure every moments I spent with them. I always start my day with a Prayer, a smile and a positive aura of energy for me to be able to do my daily task and at the end of the day I will also end up smiling and laughing. My family, friends, neighbors and God is the center of my life. And as much as possible we get to do the hangout thing for us to be more closer and more in tact.

10 Interesting Facts about me:
Fact#1: I am James Johannes Sebastian Pagunsan. A Second year College Student from De La Salle University- Dasmarinas taking up Bachelor of Science in Entrepreneurial Management. I'm an outgoing, funny 17 year old person who appears to be always happy but is hurting inside. Too emotional, weird. I am creative and talented, but feel so misunderstood and worthless. Sad, lonely, depressed, worthless and hopeless. Always willing to listen to other people and make them feel better. I'm usually consumed with getting my chores done. I'm just me a teenager with problems.

Fact#2: I'm still trying hard to be more open and friendly to people. I don't know why I don't get to mingle with others maybe because I'm the anti-social guy but still, I am trying to reach out for them to get to know me better and for me to know more about myself. And I often face people. I guess I'm that shy or scared of what would they think about me. I'm curious about things and I really want to explore things to find out more about myself and also others.

Fact#3: I'm not that Handsome and Good-looking guy but I compensate for it by being a great person! :) I don't have the looks, the aura or the vibes that others might have but I know myself well, I know my limitations and I know my expectations. But I do believe that Looks doesn't really matter it is the heart and the attitude that portrays a human being.

Fact#4: I'd rather listen to long-winded stories about child prodigies from the child prodigies themselves. I'd rather type up proposals to put up an actual grammar police. I'd rather borrow money I can't pay back. I'd rather make a living out of empty statements. I'd rather learn to cry on cue. I'd rather make uninformed decisions regarding speaker set-ups, copier machines, old laundromats and zero meat diets.

Fact#5: I'd rather spend time forgetting my birthday, trade DSLR cameras with amateurs, feign spirituality by substituting it with shopping and alcohol, celebrate broken doors and smashed porcelain, make analogies between grown-ups and children, invite drunk friends to an unhealthy breakfast during saturdays before the mall opens and/or initiate discussions in defense of the impossible even if the opposite holds true.

Fact#6: I don't believe in mistakes. What I do believe in are learning experiences. For those that only know me, my perspective on life may not always seem to be the most optimistic. Because I believe that we can all be ourselves. I often use my blog as an opportunity to write ideas that keeps coming on my mind. It is my journal for me to express things that I can't say in real life, although it is not always reflective through my philosophies.

Fact#7: Sometimes it's better to speak your mind and yell at somebody than keeps your emotions bottled up. I'm not a big fan of confrontation, but it is important to be honest about how you really feel.

Fact#8: I like to write down quotes and lyrics that I see or hear. I find that words have a lot of meaning. Because looking for your own little inspirations in life can be your source of strength in times of triumphs.

Fact#9: Sometimes I say the wrong thing. Sometimes my actions are misinterpreted. And I'm sorry for that. I can't be perfect all the time. I'm just a human being created by God who tends to make such life changing experience that could make or break us.

Fact#10: I do believe that Life and luck are all about the right time and place. Time is unpredictable and as much as you may try, you can't always be in control. More often than we'd wish, things do go wrong. Keep calm and carry on. Just keep moving forward. The world isn't going to stop moving, so why should you? :)